In the blogginning

Before there were blogs, there were frogs. And before there were frogs there were Rachel Rays, you get the idea. It's not like somebody just went on Rachel Ray's show and said hey Rachel, you are so smart, can you please endorse my footpowder? It also tastes great on boiled eggs benedict sourcrauwt surprise! Rachel was so ennamoured with the idea that she said...well, you get the idea. In other news, Global Warming has been proved to be completely bogus. Take that you stupid gullible hosers. Green whatever. Happy Feet whatever. Climate change is about as real as Rachel Ray winning the golden glove award for journalism. Global Warming: It's an inconvenient bogusness.

Dog tossing

That title reminds of the time I tossed a dog off of a 3rd story balcony.  That was so awesome, not because the dog was fine, but because of the personal growth I felt that day;  the child had become a man.  The following takes place between a pound of almond bark and  rich chocolate ovaltine.  I would like to pose a question to the so-called "blogosphere", which could be the most meaningless word ever conceived by the way.  So everyone in the blogosphere, what makes your opinion so special that your opinion must be heard and even have it enshrined in a personal webspace?  I blog as well, you're right, but only because I'm trying to destroy blogging as an activity.  It's me against the blogosphere. 

Even better than the fake thing

The post of this blog title is what in blogoworld is known as a mistypical error.  It's when you mean to say one thing, but you are trying to say something that means simliar and you end up with switched words which the mean the opposite of what you weren't trying to say with the other word.  Why so serious.  I'm dead serious, let me reassure you.  Zoo Station.  In the words of legendary comedian Bob Dillon, "Why so serious?"  This site will Rickroll you right off your chair.

 

This is what is known as Blockquote text.  It's a useful tool for Progressional Bloggers who need to hide behind someone else's opinion because the Professional Blogger is incapable of putting enough words together to create a cohesive idea.

The all-new all-different all-boring Xmen

Dreamworks vs Pixar is an easy debate.  Pixar wins.  Madagascar 2 vs. Wall*E is easy.   Wall*E wins.  But even though some people are uncomfortable with the large man hippo in Madagascar because he challenges their sexuality, it was an entertaining movie.  But what will the future hold for Pixar?  Will their upcoming Marines vs. Aliens be as successful as the original Alien-the grippingest scifi ever created?  Now I'd like switch gears and talk about Pixar.  Yes, Monstaar's Inc. was terrible as everybody knows and agrees, but technically, it achieved, where it did not achieve entertainmentally.  There's a part in that movie where the big guy was in the snow and the snow was stucked to his fur.  That part was very technical.  Now I'd like to switch gears and talk about Pixar.  Their UPcoming movie is called Up.  If you notice, I capitulized the UP in the word UPcoming because the name of the movie is Up.  It's a straight to DVD release so we can be assured that it will be as good as all the other straight to DVD releases like Space Buddies and Beverly Hills Chihuahua and many other pointless movies starring talking dogs.  Now I'd like to switch gears and talk about shooting dogs with a slingshot.  That is a painful thing to do to a dog, which is why you don't aim for the eyes, but instead, go for the broadside.  This is also painful to the dog, but it brings joy to both the dog owner and the slingshot owner as well as the dog. 

Rasum Lasum Shaduslusum Li

Those are some lyrics I heard in an Enya song once.  Why so serious.  I'll tell you why.  Because Enya is serious.  And her music is for no joke.  I was tranducing media from my computer to awesome PS3 last night and I dawned on me how awesome that is.  Blog FA 2009 continues to go well, now that I blog again in an attempt to destroy blogging as a legitimate form of communication.  I'm going to make a shirt that says "Losers Tweet, Real Losers Blog."  Hahaha, that's so serious.  I mean funny.  I don't have a tweeter account because if I wanted a pointless message that was only 11 words long, I'd pick up the phone, dial 411 and sign up for PhoneSpam.  Tweeter is the same as spam.  Spam the byproduct of the email explosion, not Spam, the potted meat food product.  I heard some science news that goes something like this:

Aperture Science

We do what we must because we can

For the good of all of us

Except the ones who are dead

We have to keep doing the science.  Last night I played guitar like Eddie Van Halen.  Why so serious.

Tonight on Masterpiece

Another prententious British movie.  But I watched it anyway.  But I don't remember anything about it, especially the performances of the eventually heavily over-breathing Daniel Potter-Radcliffe.  I did watch a very good trumpet player with the last name Botti on another night sometime last week.  I was thinking I should get a trumpet.  I was doing some fan-art last night and I was thinking that everyone on the internet should see my work because I'm so good.  That is what is known as a tranducitive comment.  When you say something that could apply to multiple dimensions at the exact same point in time across all times.  That's a transducitive comment.  Because in another dimensions, I'm a famous fan-artist and in another dimension I'm a famous washcloth.

The internet is dead

I'm not saying I want the internet to go away entirely.  I just want to purge from it all the pointless meaningless junk that so many people now waste their time, not to mention mine.  Lets get rid of everything social networking, blogs, harry potter anything, WOW forums, youtube and her clones, 4chan and everything like unto it, all fanart, stupid classmates.com, online dating, pretty much everything.  Who needs that garbage?  Lets use the internet for what it was truly intended--playing first person shooters and bullying people.  Now that's out of the way I can move on to more important things, like hairclips and headbands.

2009 Progger Awards

The Progger (Proggy) award is given to Professional Bloggers.  If you would like to be considered for a Proggy, all you have to do is continue writing pompous windbag blog entries.  If it's pompous enough, I'll send you a Proggy.  And since most are, I anticipate giving out many many Proggies this year.  Far more than last year, for certain.  On another note, there seems to be some confusion about the posting of the past 5 blog entries.  That's just an observation.  And now for some science news, even though newspapers all over the country are going out of business, you can always count on The Green Bottle to bring you the hard hitting, unapolagetic investigatory journalism and pet stories that you've come to know and trust.

Sent from my iphone

Haha yeah right. But I did send this from a mobile device. But don't worry, I still loathe Rachel R. just as much now more than ever. YUMMO TO THE MAAX!!

My first epic poem

This is called "Epic Poem"

 

Show me the

not money

Cuba Gooding Castro in Reeboks

Harry Potter and the Infinite Sadness

Snape Potter and the Power Windows

The popcorn machine in my office

makes

popcorn

not

wise decisions

Mr. Dick makes wise decisions

Have yourself measured for a suit of clothes directly

Your mom really does go to college

Scene

 

I know you probably haven't read an epoch poem before, so I'll explain a bit.  You take a bunch of stuff that only make sense to you, mess around with the punctuation, throw in some of your own opinions and try really hard to sound authoritative and finally add in some commentary on popular culture to bolster your credibility on the internet.  And that's how you make a blog.  I mean epoch poem.  Why so serious.

I've switched google engines

I've used many google engines in my days.  Webcroogle, Yahoogle, Alta Voogle, Askoogle.com, Excoogle, HotBoogle, Northern Loogle, Ask Joogle, Lycoogle and Infosoogle.  But there have been others as well.  The point is that I don't rely soley on Google.com for my googles anymore.  There is another google engine that already made some waves and is now listed pretty much as a causality in the war on time travel.  It's called Cuil.com or Cuioogle.com for short, but that link doesn't work.  When you perform a google using Cuil.com, you will be presented with a page of relevent google results.  Why so serious.  It's different, but think different.  Just like Apple iPods.

It's not what the people pay to see

I keep getting angry calls from my agent saying that my paying customers aren't getting out what they put in to this blog.  I said, "You are correct agent, people put money into this blog, I do not give it back to them."  She said "You're so funny, I can't even remember why I was angry.  Have a great afternoon."  But I would like to try and rectify this problem.  You, as paying customers, expect a certain level of understandment and truthfulisms in this blog.  And I, as the author, expect that I will receive huge sums of money and accolades for my viewpointed and opinionals.  But to some, this is not enough.  Beyond money and accolades, there lies power.  And that is the real reason to do anything.  Power.  Windpower, electric, nuclear, it's all important.  Go green.  Why so serious. 

A new character

I was watching the only show worth watching last night, Life.  At the end of the episode, which was good, they announced that some other girl would be joining the cast, some black girl.  I've never heard of her, nor do I care.  So in honor of wrecking a good thing with adding something extra, I've decided that I'm going to adding new characters, I mean, authors to this blog.  The first one's name is Why So Serious.  In other news, the point is what is best in life?  Other than the Conan answer, which is the right answer, people always wreck stuff by adding something extra.  One extra fish tail to the chilidog, one extra cooking reality show to the primetime lineup, one extra shrek movie full of obsolete pop culture references, one extra fan brush to beat the devil out of, one extra little roll of paint, one extra happy little tree, one extra halo game, one extra wii and all the crappy games on the wii that everyone buys and nobody plays, one extra crappy wii graphics, one extra hybrid synergy drive, one extra nigerian email scammer conference, one extra bejeweled on ps3 is so fun, one extra so is Killzone 2 and Little Big Planet, one extra why so serious why so serious, one extra you get the idea, one extra alien movie, one extra harry potter book, well I think you get the idea.  If you have to add something extra to make it better, the point is, never try.

Blog of the title post is what is the post is.

I've decided that in an unlikely turn of events, the 4th age of blogging has begun.  I've consulted with my many many snooty, self-important, boring, overpaid, hermitized shuddin professional blogging friends and they've come to same conclusion that I have.  There are some of these professional blogger friends who maintain that the fourth age has already begun with the beginning of the Tournament.  But until Shang Tsung says "It has begun", will the trans-dimensional city of Gummadoon appear and the Gummi Bears will spring forth and the 4th age of blogging will commence.  In science news, I read on a science blog called "Scienceland" that if you hit someone's back when they are making a face, not only will their facial features get frozen (which is common knowledge) but If you're still reading at this point, well, sorry.

Yogos 2: The Hunger

I have some yogos at my house.  And even though they almost fall into the same category as food with any kind of *.ables in the name, they are a fine treat if you like fake yogurt and fruit snacks.  I wrote something earlier today about something and that's fine.  The point is that professional blogging makes even less sense than professional gaming.  In fact blogging in general makes even less sense than your average Andrew Lloyd Weber Broadway Musicaltastrophe.  Because we all know that West Side Story is the only authentic piece of authentic Shakespearean era Shakespeare left.  Ba da da da da Ba da da da da da da wah wah wah wah.  Dance fighting is a new category in the winter olympics this August in Teotihuacan.  I expect to see great things from Andrew Lloyd Weber this August.  Terrible;.> yes;:, but ? great^.

Why so serious?

I say that because at the end of the day, if this blog isn't bringing in the big hits, it's not living up to it's potential and that reflects upon the entire Gem state.  And so I have inserted a popular cultural catchphrase from pop culture to put my blog higher in the Goobler page rank system.  Actually that reminds me of a funny part in the latest batman movie.  The jokerman was talking to one of his henchmans and they were talking about ponies.  The henchman said "I like ponies" and then the jokerman said, hahahaa, he said, hahahahaha, hold on I have to stop laughing long enough to type what the jokerman said, he said hoohoohaaahahahoho, he said "I like ponies too."  And then after the ponies conversation, the batman and the jokerman were talking about who is hotter, Alfred or the jokermanmobile.  Oh Heath, we barely knew you, except for all the other bad movies you were in.  Everyone said they could barely recognize you in the movie.  I wonder if that had anything to do with the layers of makeup, face paint, fake hair and your different accent.  If only there could have been another Knights Tale.  It could have been called "A Knights Tale Too:  Even Worse Than The First One."  I think if he had been cast in "The Host" it would have been like, even better. 

Playstations and Waystations

I'm not here to tell you that you should get a ps3. But I will actually do that instead of not doing that like I previously declared. If you want to be cool and have friends and kill monsters, you should get a ps3. I don't have one yet, but everyone says that they have more friends because they have ps3s. I'm also still giving it to the world. In other news, Barck Olama has said that everyone that owns a house is entitled to free popcorn.

Still givin' it to the world

Progestrenal bloggers are so lame. Nobody cares about your dime-a-dozen opinions, which are just the same as every other "progestrenal" bloggers' opinions. I could call myself a pro-blogger, and BAM! I'd be a "Pro" Blogger. But what does that entail? Does such a title suggest deep and profound wisdom? How about indepth research? Does it mean that I'm an expert in a given field? Nope! None of the above. Which is why blogging is lame and so are bloggers. Hahahahahaha stupid bloggers.

What matters is that few stood against many

I was looking at the so called "Blogosphere", which by the way isn't even a real word, and I thought to myself that "Blogosphere" isn't even a real word. Neither, by the way, is ginormous, webinar, or blog. Those are ridiculous words created by little whiny Generation Y babies so they don't have to expend as much energy chatting to all their e-friends, which 90% of them a) aren't real people and b)are online predators. The point is that gen y's or so called "millennials", named after their millennial stupidity, are whiny babies that move home whenever there is a problem at school or their teachers are being mean to them. You babies.